The unthinkable happened.
Your spouse told you that he or she wants out. What you do next can have a profound impact on whether or not your marriage survives.
And unfortunately, doing what comes naturally can create a natural disaster- the ending of your marriage. That's because the most logical things to do when your spouse wants out is also the most ineffective and destructive.
In fact, if you continue doing these 3 things, you will inadvertently make matters worse. Want to know what they are?
1. Beg, plead and cry.
Although it's completely understandable how you would feel devastated by the news, when you beg, plead and cry, you push your spouse in the opposite direction.
All he or she wants to do is get away from you. Your spouse feels pressured, cornered and trapped. Plus, you appear to be desperate, which isn't very attractive. For all these reasons, you must stop this behavior.
2. Reason and debate.
Your spouse isn't making any sense. He or she has completely forgotten any good times you've had together. Your spouse is unhappy and you are to blame. Or so it seems.
It's tempting to try to reason or debate with your partner, but doing so will only force him or her to take a stronger stand to prove the point.
You might also want to send articles that capture what is happening in your marriage and offer new insight. Don't bother. It will only annoy your spouse. You have to stop persuading him or her to be more open-minded.
3. Make promises about the future.
Chances are, you want your spouse to know that you can change; you can truly make an effort to become the person your spouse has been wanting you to be.
Right now your spouse isn't open to hearing what he or she thinks are empty promises. Plus, your spouse will feel manipulated, believing you would make changes to lure him or her back into the fold and slip back into your old ways as soon as that would happen.
Additionally, your spouse will get angry because he or she will be thinking, "Where were you when I needed you? This is too little, too late."
If any of this sounds familiar to you, it means that you have found yourself doing things that have backfired. That's completely understandable.
It's time to reverse the momentum. It's time to do the counter-intuitive things that bring you and your spouse closer. If you haven't already, you need to start today.
From Michele Weiner at the Divorce Busting® Center
The Divorce Busting® Center
I can help you to develop better strategies to make sure that your spouse will want to reconcile.